As airlines look for ways to reduce the environmental impact of jet fuel, livestock around the world are becoming increasingly concerned that they may be the answer.
“We knew pigs would eventually fly,” an activist for the affected animals said. “But we never imagined it would be in the fuel tank of an Airbus.”
In fact, animal-fat fired jet engines are already a reality. Some airlines, aiming to reduce their carbon footprint by up to ten percent, have conducted experimental flights using bio-fuels based on the fatty waste of meat and poultry production.
“With the exception of a higher than usual number of complaints about chicken feathers in the cabin, passengers haven’t even noticed,” one airline spokesman said.
But the animals have certainly been paying attention. Across a broad political spectrum, they are beginning to fight back. Some have joined the ranks of those campaigning for increased use of wind and solar energy, while others have been seen in the halls of Congress on behalf of the coal and oil industries.
A particularly bellicose group of bulls, who between them probably weigh in with enough lard to get a 767 from New York to Los Angeles, have even suggested looking farther down the food chain, toward algae “and other pond scum,” which, it might be noted, have excellent bio-fuel potential but relatively little lobbying power.
There have been some upsides to the concern animals are feeling
over the bio-fuel issue, among them a new willingness to shed excess body fat by attending aerobics classes on a more regular basis.
“We are helping ourselves, and the petro-chemical companies, which is a win-win, from my point of view,” said a relatively trim-looking porker who was grunting his way through a workout on an elliptical trainer at a fashionable gym on New York’s Upper East Side.
The only affected animals who have showed no concern are the sheep, who throughout the crisis have acted like sheep, some even continuing to fly coach.
