When you think of travel you often think of romance, especially if you are without a social life at home. But with the stress of enforced closeness, travel can often be the end of romance, too. That’s why some of this year’s top Black Friday travel gift ideas mean never having to say, “I’ll wait for you at the bar.”
No need to initial this
You’ve seen the bridges around the world that couples new to their romance decorate with padlocks inscribed with two sets of initials? The locks are meant to depict a condition of the heart that is forever. But if it is forever you want to be untethered from, give the gift of a lock set that allows you to attach one end of an 18-inch length of high-tensile steel chain to the bridge and the other to a shackle that locks snugly around your former sweetheart’s ankle.
Almost as good as a strip search
Every traveler knows by now that you can’t get through airport security carrying bottles with a capacity of more than 3.4 oz. What almost no one but TSA agents can tell, however, is the difference between 3.4 and 4 ounces. The gift of a set of the larger size containers means that the one you loved will probably have the difference demonstrated to them during a cavity search while you go happily on your way. An optional upgrade is an extra bottle containing a suspicious white powder you can unobtrusively drop into his or her shoes just before the plastic bin containing them goes through the scanner.
His and hers (but not for long) sleeping bags
After having found ways to avoid it for years, you’re headed for that Alaska back-country fly fishing trip he’s always dreamed of despite your often wondering aloud why anyone would want to fish for something they could more easily dispatch with a fly swatter. To show where your heart is you surprise him with his and her sleeping bags. Yours is waterproof and guaranteed to keep you warm down to minus 20 degrees centigrade. His is dipped in bear attractant.
Who said anything about a hot tub?
It takes months to score a table at An Arm & A Leg, one of the few restaurants in the world where cannibalism is still part of the dining experience. But you’ve finally managed it, even figuring out how to measure him for a pot without his catching on, and now that special evening is here. As you take your time getting ready in the same leisurely manner that has made him so impatient for so long, he says, as you knew he would, that he’ll go on ahead, and wait for you at the bar. Not a head for long, you think, not an arm, not a leg, either.
Because the shark diving position had already been filled, again
When you both know the romance is gone, but both consider yourselves rational adults, the best way to end it can be with one final special trip together. Ideal for this is travel to a remote atoll in the far reaches of the South Pacific. And if you offer to take care of everything how can she be anything but forever grateful? Even during the years as a coconut husker she arrived on the atoll to discover you had contracted her out for.
