The appearance of an increasing number of giant yellow rubber ducks at seaports around the world is raising concern that the seemingly harmless inflatable creations may in fact be aquatic Trojan Horses.
“If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, but is six stories high, then it is probably up to no good,” said university researcher Bob Payne, who has been pursuing quack theories since the early 1990’s, when a ship dumped 28,000 rubber ducks and other bathtub toys into the North Pacific.
At the time, the massive release of so many rubber ducks was labeled an accident. (For details, read Moby-Duck, by Donovan Hohn.) But Payne says he began to suspect otherwise when giant versions of the yellow bath toys started to appear at ports worldwide, from Hong Kong to Los Angeles to Sao Palo to Sydney.
“It’s clear somebody or something is using the ducks to get past security in the same way the Greeks once used a wooden horse and now employ salads,” said Payne.
Although the Chinese, who lead the world in the development of quack technology, would seem the likely culprits, Payne said he believes the invasive tactics might represent something much more sinister.
“My guess is giant space aliens, bright-yellow, with orange-beaks, looking for a water planet where no one seems to be in charge,” Payne said.
What they are smuggling in, he said, are tens of thousands of tiny clones of themselves.
“And if you need proof of how successful they have been, just check out the rubber duck 12-pack on sale at Walmart.”
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