In what is becoming one of the most active seasons in recent memory for attacks by fee-hungry airlines, three separate carriers ripped into unsuspecting passengers on Monday, in each case resulting in the loss of an arm and a leg.
“High levels of chumming with seemingly cheap bait-and-switch fares are responsible for much of the activity,” said Bob Payne, Director of the University of North Carolina Biology Department’s Institute for the Study of Ancillary Airline Fees.
Among the new fare add-ons are a $7 entertainment tax for listening to the safety announcement, a $34 surcharge for teens wishing to sit in a different row than their parents, and $50 change fee for deciding you want coffee after all.
“There’s no sense in blaming the airlines for the attacks,” Payne said. “They are simply mindless beasts responding to naturally-occurring conditions.”
Still, passengers can take steps to protect themselves, Payne said. For instance, he suggests carrying a roll of duct tape, so that if you do lose an arm and a leg you can reattach them, thus avoiding the increasingly common fee for personal carryon items.
When not lecturing on ancillary airline fees, humor writer Bob Payne is the Sex, Religion and Politics Editor for BobCarriesOn.com
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