travel - BobCarriesOn

October 8, 2023October 8, 2023

7 things every traveler needs to know about Ireland

(Photo: Pixabay)

Ireland is an island divided politically into two parts: the independent Republic of Ireland, which is consistently ranked as having one of the world’s highest gross national incomes per capita, and British-ruled Northern Island, which is best known by many as home to the television comedy Derry Girls.

If you are going to Ireland for the first time and have decided to read James Joyce’s Ulysses as part of your trip planning, first make sure that you can cancel your airfare without penalty.

Blarney Castle, near Cork, in the south of Ireland, is not only the site of the blarney stone, which, by kissing it bestows upon you, according to legend, the gift of gab, but also has a castle garden populated by deadly poisonous plants. When visiting, it is highly recommended not to confuse the two.

Housed in the library of Dublin’s Trinity College, the Book of Kells is a 9th-century illuminated manuscript whose stature as a sacred volume is surpassed in Ireland only by that of the Guinness Book of Records.

For reasons that remain a mystery, the citizens of Belfast, in Northern Ireland, continue to take great pride in the fact that a shipyard once standing at its harborside was responsible for building the Titanic.

If someone in Ireland invites you to a party at their home, and you get the date wrong and arrive a day late, and no other guests are there, you can assume it wasn’t much of a party to begin with.

When traveling in Ireland, it is not uncommon to come across little old men who are dressed in green and clinging to a pot of gold. These are usually investment bankers working for a foreign firm that has established an Irish branch for tax purposes.

Travel humor writer Bob Payne is known throughout Ireland for his number of failed attempts at trying to get into the Guinness Book of Records. He is the author of the 142-country memoir, Escape Clauses – Getting Away With a Travel Writing life, which is available at Amazon.com.

July 16, 2021July 16, 2021

7 things every visitor needs to know about Florida

Miami is so welcoming to out of state visitors that many stores post signs reading “Nosotros hablamos ingles.”

Because Florida was underwater during the Mesozoic era, the state’s only evidence of dinosaurs are the fossils most commonly found on weekday afternoons at Hooters restaurants.

South Florida may have the Everglades and Central Florida may have Disney World and the Kennedy Space Center. But only West Florida has the Flora-Bama Mullet Toss, an annual event in which contestants see how far they can throw a dead fish across the state line into Alabama.

Florida is so culturally and religiously tolerant that visiting Amish and Mennonite worshipers share, at the Sarasota community of Pinecraft, the same beach resort.

The Florida manatee, from which the legend of the mermaid arose, is still sometimes used to determine if a sailor has been too long at sea.

Florida’s Stand Your Ground law is not meant to be used while waiting in line at a take-out restaurant that offers fried alligator.

Some experts believe it is possible, depending on what happens with climate change, that by 2050 Florida could be covered entirely in golf courses.

BobCarriesOn Humor Editor Bob Payne saw his first Florida manatee at a very vulnerable time in his life.

February 3, 2020September 19, 2022

7 things every visitor needs to know about New York City

More than 800 languages are spoken in New York City, most of them only by taxi drivers.

If you don’t want people to think you are a tourist, don’t wait for the Walk sign.

New York City is home to 600,000 dogs, most serving the sole purpose of providing a conversation starter for desperate singles walking in Central Park.

When New Yorkers speak of “Our men in uniform,” they are referring to doormen.

If a New York City pedestrian makes eye contact, they are about to snatch your sunglasses.

Many of the places your guidebook will direct you to are now a Duane Reade drugstore.

If someone attempts to sell you the Brooklyn Bridge, it is acceptable to start negotiating at half the asking price.

While driving in New York City, BobCarriesOn Humor Editor Bob Payne has never intentionally run over a bicycle messenger.

April 29, 2019April 29, 2019

7 things every visitor needs to know about Arizona

Arizona residents have a reputation for being extremely friendly toward strangers, which is sometimes attributed to the fact that with a few exceptions it is legal for just about everybody to carry a concealed weapon.

The popularity of tequila at Arizona resorts is not believed to be connected to a state law prohibiting donkeys from sleeping in bathtubs.

The shoestring-shaped bola tie is recognized as the official Arizona state neckwear. Visitors are cautioned that an Arizona native wearing one will often be running for political office.

Among the 12 or so fatalities that occur annually at the Grand Canyon, only a few have involved people backing off the canyon wall while taking selfies.

In the Phoenix suburb of Cave Creek, Big Earl’s Greasy Eats is still a popular dining spot, even though the outdoor accommodation for pole dancing is gone.

Of the 44 million people who visit Arizona each year, many will refuse to take part in any conversation that uses the words “dry heat”.

The average winter temperatures in many northern states are thought to directly correlate with how smart their residents consider Arizonans to be.

BobCarriesOn Humor Editor Bob Payne misses the pole dancing at Big Earl’s Greasy Eats no more than the next person.

April 13, 2019September 19, 2022

7 things every visitor needs to know about Canada

By Bob Payne Bigstockphoto.com

Canadians’ well-earned reputation for politeness is believed to be why they so seldom mention, when in conversation with Americans, that Canada is larger than the U.S. by 58,358 square miles.

Few Canadians seem concerned that the national animal is the beaver.

Security at Canada’s southern border is a tumultuous issue, mostly involving Americans who wish to buy prescription drugs more cheaply than they can at home.

The informal name for the Canadian one-dollar coin, the loonie, is not a reference to any political figure.

The struggle players on the game show Jeopardy! often have with any clue related to Canada has never been directly linked to the fact that host Alex Trebek is Canadian.

Cheese and gravy on fries, a popular Canadian dish known as poutine, is visually unappealing only until you compare it to catsup on fries.

Not many lumberjacks have actually performed in a Monty Python skit.

BobCarriesOn Humor Editor Bob Payne has seldom played the role of lumberjack in any theatrical performance.

December 11, 2016December 12, 2016

5 coolest places in America: The Lawsuit

We learned today that BobCarriesOn.com is facing a lawsuit by an irate reader who blames us for the severe frostbite he suffered while visiting, allegedly at our recommendation, one of the places featured in a story we recently ran, “The 5 coolest places in America.”

The reader maintains the story should have warned that in none of the places were open-toed sandals appropriate winter footwear. We maintain that he, like far too many Internet users, must have read no further than the headline.

If you missed the story, below are the places we mentioned. Before making plans to visit any of them, please read the descriptions carefully.

Prospect Creek Camp, Alaska

A work settlement during the construction of the Alaska Pipeline, the now abandoned Prospect Creek Camp holds the record for the lowest temperature ever recorded in the United States: -80 degrees F, on January 21, 1971. Tourist attractions include the pipeline’s Pump Station 5, two still-fluttering airstrip windsocks, and what is believed to be one of the largest collections of pre-Internet pornography ever assembled.

Rogers Pass, Montana

Located in a remote wilderness area on the Continental Divide, Rogers Pass holds the record for the coldest temperature ever recorded in the lower 48 states: -70 degrees F, on January 20, 1954. Tourist attractions include one of the largest remaining concentrations of grizzly bears in the lower 48, and various garments belonging to previous visitors who attempted to outrun them.

Peter Sinks, Utah

A basin-shaped natural depression allegedly named for a man who would have done well to look elsewhere for a homestead site, Peter Sinks holds the record for the coldest temperature ever recorded in Utah: -69.3 degrees F, on February 1, 1985. Tourist attractions include various locations where it is speculated the would-be homesteader may have succumbed to the elements during his first and only winter at the Sinks.

Riverside Ranger Station, Montana

Pay attention here, because the town of Riverside, Wyoming, is sometimes listed as holding the record for the coldest temperature every recorded in Wyoming: -66 degrees F, on February 9, 1933. But according to the weather website wunderground.com, that temperature was actually recorded at the now non-existent Riverside Ranger Station, which in 1933 was located where the town of West Yellowstone, Montana, now stands. Tourist attractions in the Wyoming town, which has a population of 53, include anybody who can give directions to West Yellowstone, a gateway to Yellowstone National Park, eight hours away.

Maybell, Colorado

Vail and Steamboat may have their après ski scenes, but the coolest place in Colorado is Maybell, population 72, which is home to the lowest temperature ever recorded in the state: −61 degrees F, on February 1, 1985. Tourist attractions include the restaurant, the gas station, the general store, and, during the spring, a depth of horse poop today found in few other American communities.