Category: Advice

Travel Advice Advice

Posted on

7 Things every traveler needs to know about the Louvre

Pyramid at entrance to Louvre.

 

                                                                                                            (Photo: Pixabay)

When speaking about the Louvre, it is considered bad manners to mention that only 5,000 of the 380,000 works in its collection were created by French artists.

The three works visitors to the Louvre are most willing to wait in line for are the Mona Lisa, the Venus de Milo, and the Mont-Blanc pastry served at the Café Richelieu Angelina, on the museum’s first floor.

Most art critics agree that the giant glass pyramid standing at the main entrance to the Louvre was not built by ancient Egyptians.

The Louvre has two information desks, where attendants will happily direct you to the on-site Starbucks.

No one thinks of the Louvre as being in a particularly rough part of town, but it is true that since 1911, the Mona Lisa, which is displayed behind bulletproof glass, has been stolen once and vandalized five times, including by a man who smeared it with a cream cake.

When asking a Paris taxi driver for a ride to the Louvre, make it clear before they turn on the meter that you do not mean the branch that’s in Abu Dhabi, on the Arabian Peninsula.

Be suspicious of anyone standing outside the Louvre who attempts to sell you a painting of the Mona Lisa in the nude, as it is probably of Kim Kardashian.

BobCarriesOn Humor Editor Bob Payne knew his painting of the Mona Lisa was a fake when he discovered that it was signed by Kanye West. Payne is the author of the 142-country travel memoir Escape Clauses – Getting Away With a Travel Writing Life 

Posted on

7 Things Every Visitor Needs to Know About the Statue of Liberty

One of the great mysteries about the Statue of Liberty is why, when the United States Post Office created a Statue of Liberty Forever Stamp on December 1, 2010, it took until March 2011 before somebody noticed that the model used for the stamp, of which 10.5 billion were printed, was of an inexact replica that stands outside the New York-New York Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada.

Enough souvenir Statue of Liberty foam crowns are sold each day to fill an entire landfill site, and often does.

It has been determined, by some guys in New Jersey, that as scrap metal the Statue of Liberty would be worth about $230,000.

The statue of liberty is 111 feet tall. Comparing her proportions to those of professional baseball’s current record holder for the longest home run (505 feet), she could theoretically hit a baseball 9,342 feet, which means the Yankees still wouldn’t hire her, because she is a woman.

The 1883 poem whose lines run, “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,” is meant to depict the Statue of Liberty, to a greater or lesser degree, depending on which national political party is in power, as a symbol of hope and optimism.

The tablet the Statue of Liberty is holding is inscribed in Roman numerals with the date of American Independence, July IV MDCCLXXVI, which amazes many visitors, who wonder how the ancient Romans could have known so far in advance.

Many New Yorker’s claim that because they have no desire to stand in line with the huddled masses they have never visited the Statue of Liberty.

Posted on

7 things every visitor needs to know about Mount Everest

Mount Everest

 

At 29,035 feet, Mount Everest consistently ranks as the world’s top tourist attraction.

Except during the April and May climbing season, when the line at the Starbucks on the way to the base camp often winds out the door, crowds are seldom a problem at Mount Everest. And to escape them even in season it is often necessary only to climb above 26,000 feet, into what is helpfully described as the Death Zone.

Spring and Fall are the most popular times to visit, but in November through February cooling breezes of up to 200 mph make Mount Everest an offseason-delight for all who can manage to hold on.

No matter the season, inexpensive parking is always available, as is accommodation. Although the best of the accommodation, with some of the most awesome rooms-with-a-view on the planet, requires hanging tethered to a sheer rock face. Nor is this accommodation recommended for older men who need to get up frequently during the night.”

Local sites of interest include the last resting places, or assumed last resting places, of the more than 200 deceased climbers whose bodies remain on the mountain.

The most common hazard when climbing Mount Everest is to slip on the excrement of other hikers, which will all too often result in a tumble off the mountain via what might be called a poop chute. 

For visitors looking for activities other than climbing, wildlife viewing includes up to ten species of ants and the occasional yak, the latter best admired from the uphill side.

For a suitable tip, the locals on Mount Everest are often happy to help you get all the way to the top, and, for an even more suitable tip, back down again.

Travel humor writer Bob Payne is an enthusiastic social climber.  

Posted on

7 things every visitor needs to know about Florida

Palm-trees-south-beach-florida

Miami is so welcoming to out of state visitors that many stores post signs reading “Nosotros hablamos ingles.”

Because Florida was underwater during the Mesozoic era, the state’s only evidence of dinosaurs are the fossils most commonly found on weekday afternoons at Hooters restaurants.

South Florida may have the Everglades and Central Florida may have Disney World and the Kennedy Space Center. But only West Florida has the Flora-Bama Mullet Toss, an annual event in which contestants see how far they can throw a dead fish across the state line into Alabama.

Florida is so culturally and religiously tolerant that visiting Amish and Mennonite worshipers share, at the Sarasota community of Pinecraft, the same beach resort.

The Florida manatee, from which the legend of the mermaid arose, is still sometimes used to determine if a sailor has been too long at sea.

Florida’s Stand Your Ground law is not meant to be used while waiting in line at a take-out restaurant that offers fried alligator.

Some experts believe it is possible, depending on what happens with climate change, that by 2050 Florida could be covered entirely in golf courses.

BobCarriesOn Humor Editor Bob Payne saw his first Florida manatee at a very vulnerable time in his life.

Posted on

7 things every visitor needs to know about New York City

New-York-taxi-

More than 800 languages are spoken in New York City, most of them only by taxi drivers.

If you don’t want people to think you are a tourist, don’t wait for the Walk sign.

New York City is home to 600,000 dogs, most serving the sole purpose of providing a conversation starter for desperate singles walking in Central Park.

When New Yorkers speak of “Our men in uniform,” they are referring to doormen.

If a New York City pedestrian makes eye contact, they are about to snatch your sunglasses.

Many of the places your guidebook will direct you to are now a Duane Reade drugstore.

If someone attempts to sell you the Brooklyn Bridge, it is acceptable to start negotiating at half the asking price.

While driving in New York City, BobCarriesOn Humor Editor Bob Payne has never intentionally run over a bicycle messenger.

 

Posted on

Travel bug?  Find out how bad you have it.

The travel bug will take you to Kaieteur Falls in Guyana.

Ever wondered how seriously you are afflicted with the travel bug?  Although there is no grading,  this  test will make the answer very clear.

You met your spouse:

    1. In grade school.
    2. During Happy Hour at Applebee’s
    3. While being held hostage by the Taliban.

You lost your virginity at:

    1. Seventeen.
    2. A fraternity party.
    3. 30,000 feet.

You have considered converting all your assets to:

  1. Gold
  2. Bit coin.
  3. Frequent flyer miles.

The first words you learn in any language are:

  1. Hello
  2. Thank you.
  3. I’d like a  room farther from the gunfire.

You would be least willing to give up your:

  1. Money.
  2. Life.
  3. Passport.

The place you’ve lived longest is:

  1. The town where you were born.
  2. The town you settled in after college.
  3. Chicago O’Hare, Terminal 5.

You’d never rent a car:

  1. Without getting collision coverage.
  2. In Afghanistan.
  3. You couldn’t sleep in.

Trusting your gut is:

  1. Almost always the right decision.
  2. Usually safer than trusting your government’s Travel Advisories.
  3. A mistake you’ve made in restaurants that cater to backpackers.

Your favorite souvenirs are:

  1. T-shirts.
  2. Refrigerator magnets.
  3. Conversations with strangers.

You always carry:

  1. A spare tube of moisturizer.
  2. About 5 extra pounds, 10 if a buffet is offered.
  3. A list of countries that have no extradition treaty with your own.

The bills and coins tucked away in your underwear drawer add up to:

  1. A tidy nest egg.
  2. Evidence.
  3. A total of $2.34 in 17 currencies.

You would like your obituary to say you died:

  1. In your sleep.
  2. Surrounded by a loving family.
  3. Aboard a flight that went down between Tahiti and Bora Bora.

Your favorite travel companions:

  1. Always pay their fair share.
  2. Don’t mind taking the middle seat.
  3. Are imaginary.

Your most memorable experience at a tropical beach resort involved a:

  1. Romantic interlude.
  2. Luxury spa.
  3. Tsunami warning.

You immediately recognized the photo at the top of the blog, which Bobcarrieson.com editor in chief Bob Payne took in 2009, as:

  1. Niagara Falls, New York
  2. Sioux Falls, Iowa
  3. Kaieteur Falls, Guyana

 

 

Simple Share Buttons