Up to here among the mud walkers of Holland

For someone up to his knees in mud, and sinking fast, the Dutch high school student seemed unusually adept at philosophizing. “Not windmills, not wooden shoes, but this, this primordial ooze, is the essence of the Netherlands,” he said.

With a grassy, sheep-dotted outer dike of the Dutch coast well to shoreward of us, with the barrier island that was our destination still hidden in the morning haze, and with me already deeper in the mud than the high school student, I had no trouble recognizing the merit of his argument — and suggesting that we ought to get moving.

The student and I, along with two dozen of his classmates, were among the tens of thousands of people who annually participate in a distinctly Dutch and distinctly odd activity known as mud walking.

Wadlopen, is the Dutch word for it. You put on an old pair of high-topped tennis shoes that you’ve deemed absolutely valueless for any other purpose. You meet at the appointed place with a licensed guide, who has checked the tide tables to make sure the skills required of you will not include the amphibious. Then you slosh forth across the Waddenzee, or shallow sea, on a journey of up to 12 miles, out to the Frisian Islands, that will test not only your endurance but also your ability to act as a responsible adult in the face of the overwhelming urge to play in the mud.

As a sport, mud walking has been around since just after World War II, when the coastal-dwelling Frisians, who up until then had ventured afoot onto the Waddenzee with about as much enthusiasm as the three little pigs would have attended a butcher’s convention, discovered that people would actually pay money to be lead through the muck.

“It confirmed for us what we already believed — that outsiders are a strange lot,” said one local man, whose only pedestrian venture beyond the dikes had been to retrieve a cow who was in danger of being lost at sea. “But the money helped with village improvements, such as rebuilding the church, so some of us were happy to oblige.”

The most active mud walking center is Pieterburen, a mainland village from which I set out for the island Engelsmanplaat. The walk is said to be the easiest island crossing, but not by me or — I presume — by anyone who has ever done it in company with a group of high school students who think that part of the exercise is to see if they can get even the adults to tumble face down at least once.

Actually, except for keeping an eye out for kamikaze attacks from the high school students, the walking wasn’t difficult. The thickest of the mud was adjacent to the shore, in an area that was a few hundred yards wide, and the biggest difficulty was getting up the courage to take the initial plunge into it.

Beyond the first mud flat, the going was mostly across hard sand in ankle deep water. Occasionally, however, we’d come to water-filled gullies, where our guide would wade in, sometimes chest deep, to show us the way across. The guide, Willem, a university student, said that if you don’t know what you are doing the dangers of mud walking are real enough. Sometimes there is fog to contend with. Sometimes there are swift-flowing gullies that can’t be crossed. Sometimes the mud flats, even though they are seldom more than knee deep, can wear down the endurance of even those who think themselves physically fit — as police and military units on training exercises have discovered.

On this day, though, a lovely if slightly hazy one near the beginning of the May to September wadlopen season, we had no problems beyond the minor ones associated with Willem’s constant need to remind some of the students, who were burdened with the competitive type of personality that compelled them to attempt to turn every physical endeavor into an athletic contest, that the rules of wadlopen required them to remain behind the guide.

For an hour or so we slopped and squished and stumbled. Most of us were soon coated with thick, black mud at least up to our thighs, with more of it liberally caked on hands, chins, cheeks, and — most commonly — rear ends. Those few who remained unacceptably pristine for too long were nudged, tripped, or — in one case — gang tackled, until they too came in line with the acceptable community standards of cleanliness.

On Engelsmanplaat, which a storm tide could have made disappear, we ate lunches we’d carried over in knapsacks, then walked back to the mainland. As we neared the shore, where the thickest of the mud flats were, I noticed that even one of the teachers seemed to be falling down and wallowing around a bit more than in most circumstances would have been considered acceptable adult behavior.

Back on solid ground, curious to know if coming in such close contact with the essence of their national soul had produced the same kind of thought-provoking effect on the other students as it had on the knee-deep philosopher, I asked some of them what they thought of their day on the Waddenzee.

“Wonderful,” one of them said, “especially since our other choice for a class project was to visit a museum in Amsterdam.”

 

A note from Bob: This is a condensed version of a story that first appeared in the January/February 1992 issue of Islands magazine, where for more than a decade I was a Contributing Editor, specializing in stories that kept me out of the U.S. Northeast in winter. 

Jumpin’ Jamaica — a cliff-diver’s cautionary tale

I originally wrote this story for Men’s Journal, but as a result of a blow to my head during the researching of it, I can’t recall if it ever ran.

It is for good reason that in most places cliff jumping is an outlaw sport.  Usually, you have to break some kind of ordinance and ignore a “No Trespassing” sign or two just to get to a point where you can launch yourself (unless your lack of forethought is exceptional) into a suitable body of water. And even though the most famous outlaw jumpers of all, Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid, survived a 50-foot leap into a river (Butch, in the 1969 film version of their adventures, helped Sundance overcome his embarrassment about being unable to swim by pointing out, “Why, you crazy – the fall’ll probably kill ya!”), practitioners of the sport often enough end up with the kind of injuries, or worse, that make for a highly readable cautionary tale in the local paper. Along the coral cliffs near Negril Beach, at the western end of Jamaica, though, you’ll find no such ordinances, no such signs, and … no shortage of tourists with purple welts from hitting the water with anything but a perfectly smooth — legs together, arms tight at your sides — entry.

The most popular and, some would say, most risky Negril jump spot (in both instances because of the proximity of  an every-flowing supply of Red Stripe beer and Appleton rum)  is the cliff above Rick’s Café, where every afternoon in season people gather to watch the sunset and break one of the sport’s only two rules – don’t drink and jump. (The other, most often broken in tandem with the first, is to check the water depth before jumping.) The jump is about 35-feet, which might not seem like much, until you’ve seen somebody fished out nearly unconscious from a sloppy entry or walking around with a backside that looks like an overripe plum.

The “professionals,” hard-bodied locals, can double the height by shinnying up the trees that overhang the cliff and launching themselves from perches marked by hand-painted signs indicating not feet above the water but the minimum dollar amount ($10 or $20) they’ll jump for.  If you must leap yourself, though, perhaps the better part of valor is to first try the more manageable heights at several of the hotels that sit along the cliffs, where, through a misunderstanding, I began my own jumping career.

I was at Tensing Pen, a cluster of garden cottages with a narrow foot bride spanning two coral promontories — 18 feet high — that guard the entrance to a boutique-size cove. Where a woman, with great enthusiasm, and a great smile, said, “You’ve got to try it,” naturally leading me to assume that she herself had done it, and that, despite my considerable apprehension (“scared silly” might be a better description), if she could, so could I.

I learned only after the jump, which lasted a couple of seconds at most, but long enough for me to review some of the reasons why it might have been a very bad idea, that she had not done that particular one, or any other. But by then I was too pleased with my success, or more accurately, survival, to care. And I like to tell myself that I moved on to another Negril hotel, The Caves, because the jump there were even higher. For a jumper, the advantage of The Caves is that there are several launching spots of different heights, from a pleasant little 15-foot drop through a hole in the ground into a sea cave, up to a break in the retaining wall of the dining patio that lets you wipe your mouth with your dinner napkin, take three steps, and plunge 25 feet.

Actually there is a third rule of cliff jumping, which is: Don’t make a jump you are not comfortable with just because peer pressure encourages it. So, even though the smiling woman at Tensing Pen caused me to break it, I can’t tell you, and am quite confident I will never be able to tell you, what the jump from Rick’s feels like. I can, however, describe the technique that worked for me at lesser heights.

After swimming underwater to personally determine the depth, step to the edge of the cliff to double check that a tsunami has not sucked the water out or that somebody with a camera and a kayak has not paddled in for a close-up shot. Then, from three paces out, preferably while an attractive person you would not like to embarrass yourself in front of looks on, take a deep breath and step purposefully forward, springing off with just enough force to get you away from the cliff wall but not enough to send you flailing like a windmill. Most important, once you start taking your steps, make absolutely no attempt to rationalize what you are doing, or you will falter, possibly for good. If any words at all must go through your head, let them be those that worked so well for the Sundance Kid:

“Ohhh…s-h-i-i-i-i-i-t!”

 

When can you say you’ve been to a country?

One of the more difficult questions for a traveler to answer can be whether they have been to a country. Can they count it if they pass through on a train or visit on a cruise ship without ever disembarking? Must they go through the entry formalities, such as having their passport stamped, or at least, in the case of arriving by air, leave the security area? Do they have to have been there a certain length of time, overnight, say, or, more commonly, as long as whoever is asking the question?

Have I, for instance, been to Yap, a Micronesian island group in the far western Pacific where my plane touched down just long enough for me to stretch my legs on the tarmac while I waited to continue a flight from Guam to Palau?

I would argue that I have, though I was not there long enough even to see  examples of the one thing Yap is known for — the coin-shaped stone money, some of it as big around as truck tires, that has prevented the Yapanese from developing the concept of pocket change.

I base my claim on the interaction I had with an old Yapanese woman who sat next to me on the flight from Guam. She was not friendly at first, fearing, I suspect, that I might be offended by the overflowing baggy in which she spat the betel nut juice that was dripping blood red, vampire style,  from the corners of her mouth. But when I offered her the airsick bag from the back of my seat, her bag having gone missing, possibly as a result of use by a betel nut chewer on an earlier leg of the flight, the practice being fairly common in that part of the Pacific, she warmed considerably, and we passed the flight in pleasant conversation, despite her dribbling. And by the end of the flight I had an invitation to her daughter’s wedding, an invitation I had to decline because the airlines are so unreasonable about letting you change your mind about itineraries in mid journey.

Her daughter, who had seen much of the world, having traveled even as far afield as Hawaii, was back home in Yap now, making final preparations for the wedding. But there was a problem, the woman told me. All the daughter’s traveling had put the notion in her head that she should not have a traditional wedding. And the woman, as mothers often are in these situations, was upset about it.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” I told her, waving off an offer to try some of the betel nut myself.

The sticking point, it seemed, was that in a traditional wedding on Yap the bride would be topless, as the woman is in the photo accompanying this story, which also features, you may have noticed, the stone money. That the photo is an authentic depiction of traditional life on Yap can be assumed from the fact that it is a closeup of an official Yap postage stamp. The bride-to-be, however, wanted no part of tradition.

I was disappointed that I would miss the wedding, especially after, as we deplaned, the old woman pointed out her daughter to me, a lovely-looking girl waving to us from the other side of a chain-link fence at the edge of the tarmac. The experience did help define for me, however, when you can say you have visited a country.

You have been to a country when you were there long enough to come back with a story.

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